NEWS STORY 1
To determine whether to overturn the principals decision about Stacks hair growth the school board will vote on Monday at 7 pm in the Administration building to see their decision.
“We have rules for a reason and we just can’t go breaking them anytime we want”.
Do to the fact that the dress code will not allow boys hairs to longer than the earlobe Stacks can not grow his hair out.
“I hope the board approves my request, donating my hair to LOCKS OF LOVE is a very special project to me”.
Stacks was motivated to donate his hair after he watched his 5 year old sister lose all of her hair last year during her chemotherapy treatment.
“She said the best way i could help would to be to grow my hair long and donate it to the group for a wig”.
The group’s president said the group works entirely on donations
“I was disappointed when Mrs.King turned my request down,Mrs.King said I should just have a fundraiser instead”.
There are other ways to help the LOCKS OF LOVE organization,yes he could have a fundraiser and donated the money to help a well.
“We desperately need human hair for our wigs,every month we receive about 200 requests from families who cannot afford a wig for their sick child and every month we have to turn down about 150 of those requests”.
The group LOCKS OF LOVE need the donation of hair so they can make more wigs and not have to turn down people every month.
“Rules are made to broken and this is a good reason to break one”.
You have a lot of opinions,and some of it doesn’t flow.The middle was not good and the end was a opinion. The lead was good.
Bad Comments: Your lead in’s should be connected to your quotes. Not different paragraph’s.
your lead in’s need to explain your quotes more.
No need to capitalize locks of love.. Only Locks of Love should be capitalized.
Good Comments: Good Quote choices.
Good ending quote.
Good introduction (first lead in)
You need to capitalize Stack and put in an apostrophe before the added S. Capitalize Monday. The first quote has no source.
Good Things:
~ Good job using transitions!
~I like the full circle ending with your first and last quote.
~ Nice use of facts.
To determine whether to overturn the principals decision about Stacks hair growth the school board will vote on Monday at 7 pm in the Administration building to see their decision.
PRINCIPALS NEEDS TO BE PRINCIPAL’S. NEED A COMMA AFTER GROWTH.
“We have rules for a reason and we just can’t go breaking them anytime we want”.
WHO SAID THIS. NEED ATTRIBUTION. READ MFONTAINE.WONECKS.NET
Do to the fact that the dress code will not allow boys hairs to longer than the earlobe Stacks can not grow his hair out.
IT WOULD BE “DUE TO THE FACT,”
“I hope the board approves my request, donating my hair to LOCKS OF LOVE is a very special project to me”. NEED ATTRIBUTION
Stacks was motivated to donate his hair after he watched his 5 year old sister lose all of her hair last year during her chemotherapy treatment.
“She said the best way i could help would to be to grow my hair long and donate it to the group for a wig”. WHO SAID THIS? PERIOD GOES INSIDE QUOTATIONS.
The group’s president said the group works entirely on donations MISSING A PERIOD. NEED MORE ACTUAL FACTS IN TRANSITIONS.
“I was disappointed when Mrs.King turned my request down,Mrs.King said I should just have a fundraiser instead”. WHO SAID THIS? PERIOD GOES INSIDE QUOTES. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT MFONTAINE.WONECKS.NET FOR CORRECT FORMAT.
There are other ways to help the LOCKS OF LOVE organization,yes he could have a fundraiser and donated the money to help a well. WHO SUGGESTED THIS. IF YOU DON’T GIVE ANYONE CREDIT, IT IS AN OPINION.
“We desperately need human hair for our wigs,every month we receive about 200 requests from families who cannot afford a wig for their sick child and every month we have to turn down about 150 of those requests”. WHO SAID THIS. PERIOD GOES INSIDE QUOTES.
The group LOCKS OF LOVE need the donation of hair so they can make more wigs and not have to turn down people every month.
JUST INCLUDE THE EXACT AMOUNT OF TURNDOWNS. THAT IS MORE ACCURATE.
“Rules are made to broken and this is a good reason to break one”. WHO SAID THIS?